I used to make women squirt fairly often, but after learning that squirting may offer no real benefit to a woman’s body—and that forcing it can even cause lasting problems—I almost never do it anymore.
When people hear the word “squirting,” they may imagine scenes from porn where the bed gets completely soaked and the woman screams loudly with pleasure. What you see in porn is partly real and partly performance.
Is it just your body type if you can’t squirt?
What exactly is the “fluid” that comes out?
How can a woman squirt?
Does squirting actually feel good? And how is it different from having an orgasm?
In this article, I’ll explain squirting itself, as well as why you should ask your boyfriend to stop immediately if he is aggressively trying to make you squirt.
Aggressive Fingering Is a Bad Idea
A lot of men want to make their girlfriend squirt at least once.
One reason is that many men learn their sexual techniques from porn, and squirting scenes appear constantly in porn videos.
But of course, if a man does not know what he is doing, simply moving his arm harder and faster will not necessarily make a woman squirt. In some cases, he may even injure the inside of her vagina.
I once met a woman who told me:
“I was fingered really aggressively by a guy whose nails were too long, and afterward I couldn’t stop bleeding.”
Repeated aggressive fingering can damage the vaginal walls and may lead to injuries or abnormal bleeding.
If you have difficulty squirting, that does not mean there is something wrong with your body.
In my experience, the main reasons are:
- Your body is not properly prepared.
- The stimulation is being applied incorrectly.
With the right conditions and technique, many women can squirt.
So if your boyfriend has tried to make you squirt and failed, there is no reason to feel insecure about yourself. It may simply mean that he did not know how to do it properly.
What Kind of Physical Preparation Is Needed for Squirting?
First, what exactly is the fluid released during squirting?
There are different theories about this, but for the purposes of this article, I’m going to describe it primarily as urine.
You may be thinking:
“But the fluid in porn is completely clear.”
That is often because performers drink large amounts of water before filming.
The more diluted urine becomes, the clearer it appears.
In porn shoots involving squirting scenes, performers may also avoid certain strongly colored drinks beforehand because they can affect the color of the fluid.
So one of the basic physical conditions for squirting is simply having enough fluid in the body.
Occasionally, I meet women who say they barely drink anything all day. Unsurprisingly, they tend not to squirt easily.
And even when they do, the fluid may be much more concentrated—which can make quite a mess if it gets into the bedding.
What Kind of Stimulation Can Cause Squirting?
Once the body is prepared, the next factor is stimulation.
This is probably not something women themselves necessarily need to know in detail, but it may help you judge whether your partner is using an appropriate technique.
As with vaginal orgasms, the conditions for squirting tend to build gradually.
The important thing is to stimulate the same area consistently.
Two fingers—usually the middle and ring fingers—are inserted to around the second knuckle, and the upper vaginal wall beneath the pubic bone is stimulated.
After a while, some women begin to feel as though fluid or pressure is building.
The stimulation should start gently. Once that sensation begins to build, the pressure can be increased slightly.
Rather than moving the entire arm aggressively, the fingers should do most of the work with a gentle scooping motion.
Many women can squirt with this type of stimulation.
One extremely important point is that stimulation should be done with the pads of the fingers.
The nails should never dig into the vaginal wall, and ideally they should not touch it at all.
Before allowing someone to finger you, it is worth checking:
- Whether his nails are trimmed short enough that almost no white edge remains
- Whether the edges have been smoothed with a nail file
The tissue inside the vagina is delicate, and repeated irritation or injury should be avoided.
Does Squirting Feel Good? Is It a Problem If You Can’t Squirt?
When I ask women how squirting feels, a common answer is something like:
“It feels good, but also kind of strange.”
Very few women specifically tell me that they want to be made to squirt.
The area commonly stimulated to trigger squirting overlaps with the region often referred to as the G-spot, which many women find pleasurable.
So the pleasure usually comes from the internal stimulation itself, while the release of fluid happens alongside it.
In other words, squirting itself is not necessarily what feels good.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you cannot squirt.
What’s the Difference Between Squirting and an Orgasm?
Some women can squirt but cannot orgasm, while others mistakenly believe that squirting and orgasming are the same thing.
They are not.
You do not normally experience an orgasm every time you urinate, right?
For some women, squirting and orgasm may become associated with each other through repeated sexual experiences, and they may happen at the same time. But fundamentally, they should be thought of as separate responses.
Being unable to squirt does not mean you have difficulty orgasming.
Likewise, being able to squirt does not necessarily mean you orgasm easily.
In fact, becoming overly focused on squirting—especially when a partner tries to force it every time you have sex—can potentially create other problems.
Can Repeated Squirting Cause Problems or Make Vaginal Orgasms More Difficult?
One concern with aggressive attempts to induce squirting is the physical strain caused by excessive or forceful stimulation.
Porn scenes can involve extremely exaggerated squirting, sometimes after performers have consumed large quantities of fluid beforehand. Ordinary sex obviously does not need to imitate that kind of performance.
Another issue is that the area stimulated for squirting overlaps with areas that may also be stimulated when exploring vaginal orgasms.
If a woman becomes accustomed to associating this stimulation mainly with the urge to urinate, she may end up focusing entirely on holding back or releasing that sensation instead of relaxing into sexual pleasure.
Some women also squirt during penetration.
This may happen because the angle and movement of penetration stimulate the same area.
However, if penetration becomes strongly associated in her mind with the sensation of needing to urinate, it may become harder for her to focus on orgasmic pleasure itself.
For that reason, I generally do not recommend becoming overly focused on sexual activities that aggressively stimulate areas associated with elimination, such as forced squirting or certain forms of anal play.
If your boyfriend is obsessed with making you squirt, I would recommend asking him to stop making it such a goal.
Among women I have worked with, I have often felt that those whose partners repeatedly try to force them to squirt have more difficulty relaxing and reaching orgasm.
Trying it once out of curiosity is one thing.
But if squirting is forced every single time you have sex, you may eventually start enjoying sex less rather than more.
Extreme stimulation is something you can leave to porn.
For most women, gentler and slower sex that takes their comfort and physical responses into account is far more likely to help them experience pleasure both physically and emotionally.
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